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The Best of the Worst

Dan McKay of Fargo, North Dakota claims the prize in this year’s Bulwer-Lytton fiction contest:

As he stared at her ample bosom, he daydreamed of the dual Stromberg carburetors in his vintage Triumph Spitfire, highly functional yet pleasingly formed, perched prominently on top of the intake manifold, aching for experienced hands, the small knurled caps of the oil dampeners begging to be inspected and adjusted as described in chapter seven of the shop manual.

You might infer, and you’d be correct, that first prize is awarded to the worst opening sentence to an unwritten novel. Edward Bulwer-Lytton was the 19th century author of the famous line, “It was a dark and stormy night…”

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