The 2004 winner of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest:
She resolved to end the love affair with Ramon tonight . . . summarily, like Martha Stewart ripping the sand vein out of a shrimp’s tail . . . though the term “love affair” now struck her as a ridiculous euphemism . . . not unlike “sand vein,” which is after all an intestine, not a vein . . . and that tarry substance inside certainly isn’t sand . . . and that brought her back to Ramon.
A tip of the quill and hearty congratulations to Dave Zobel, software developer from Manhattan Beach, California. We are humbled.